I told Chad about MRKH about 2 weeks after I was diagnosed. I worked up the nerve to do it over Facebook, with the attitude being “Well, if he really likes me, he’ll go with it. If he doesn't, he will just leave. I am better off either way.” I told him a bit about it without going into great detail, and he told me he wasn't worried about it. We would cross the baby bridge when we came to it. We were young and that wasn't even a concern right now. I've never been more relieved!
I struggled with keeping MRKH inside. I told very few people. I only Googled information once, when I was home alone, and got a huge booklet of medical terminology that meant nothing to my 17 year old brain. I pushed it aside and continued my life. Aside from my appointment with the gynecologist every 6 months, I pretended a part of me didn't exist.
In Fall 2013, home alone, I decided to punch “MRKH” into Twitter. Low and behold, there were girls…. Like me!!!! I could…. Connect! ….Relate! They even call each other SISTERS! I was in awe. I followed a few groups, including Beautiful You MRKH, MRKH Norge (Lise Gimre) and Kristen Peterson. I read Kristen’s blog posts and I cried. It was a deep, heartfelt, held-a-secret-for-too-long cry. I cried for my fertility. I cried for the children I would never carry. I cried for the sisters out there, just like me, all over the world, that I had just learned existed. I was relieved, like a huge weight had been lifted off my chest. I always thought there had to be others like me, but I had no idea how common or rare MRKH was, or that it would be so easy to get in touch with other girls!
One challenge has been starting a family. Most of our friends are on their first child (or second or third or fourth!) and we have been feeling left out. I was once told (no names being mentioned) I was pretty much useless as a woman!! Talk about sting! No, I can’t carry a child. I cannot get pregnant, or have a period. I am not a “normal” woman. I am 1 in 4500 women that has been diagnosed with MRKH. We are 1 in 7 couples that experience infertility. All that has made me all the more determined to prove the naysayers wrong.
Back in 2013 we started the adoption process, and here in Nova Scotia, it is COMPLICATED. Most of the children are over the age of 5 and have special needs, so there is extensive training and requirements that need to be met. You need to have a “stable home”. You should make lots of money while having lots of time to spend at home with the kids. You should be married or in a long term relationship, or be able to do it all on your own with the kids and work. These kids have high needs, coming from abusive or neglectful homes, and the government wants to ensure they go to great homes that can handle these needs and be there to support them. Unfortunately since I will be in school, we are not considered to have what it takes to adopt at this time. We withdrew our application on the condition that we can reapply after I am finished school, and can hopefully start where we left off, so long as the program doesn’t change between now and then.
Chad and I have been together for almost five years now, and have been speaking with a close family friend about being our surrogate. We are going to use her eggs and my fiancé’s sperm, and are beginning this process in August of this year. We’ve been saving money and baby items for a long time, and are very excited to begin our family! His family is not very supportive, but mine has gone above and beyond to help us out and we are all thrilled at this opportunity. It will be a challenge since the baby is not biologically mine, but it will legally be ours and that makes all the difference!
Thanks for reading!