That being said, I am still struggling with my feelings about everything. I hoped, prayed, and worked toward the "perfect family" for a long time, Marriage, planned, fell apart. Adoption, planned, fell apart. IVF, planned, fell apart. Buying a house, planned, fell apart. Surrogate and IUI, planned, fell apart. Relationship, 5 years in the making, fell apart.
I always felt "ready". Now, I am hurt and miserable because none of my plans worked out. I cry some days, especially around dates of what could have been. Based on my math, for example, our child "would have" been born around the beginning of May. So this was a tough month, and a hard first Mother's Day after seeing a Facebook memory from a year ago cheering us on in our journey. As sad as I am at times, I am also thankful, because things not working "as planned" allowed me to find an incredible man who supports me and lifts me up instead of bringing me down. It has allowed me to pursue my career and find a position in my field, and it has given me the strength to move past what could have been, and on toward what will be.
Thanks for reading! Check out our adorkable happy faces below! (The photos below credit Loushanna Rose Photography)