My best friend is pregnant. It is so amazing, and beautiful, to watch her as her body is slowly changing and her belly is growing. It is also painful at times, to hear her chatting about the do's and don't's of pregnancy, what she can have and what she can't, what fits and what doesn't. She is going to make a wonderful mother, and I can't help but be just a little bit jealous of her.
Our other friend's girlfriend is 7 months pregnant, and is wrapped up in due dates and accumulating baby stuff.
In fact, 3/7 of the couples we hang out with are expecting. 3 others are actively trying to conceive. It seems to me that WE are the 1 in 8 that everyone talks about. The funny thing is, 2 of the couples that are TTC are either just starting their infertility journey, or are in the middle of their TWW (one couple for each scenario). Is infertility really that common, that 3 couples in our group of 8 are dealing with infertility, while 3 others are extremely fertile?
It is nice to know some people in person that are going through the same struggles as us, but I still feel alone most of the time. We have been talking, and arguing, about adopting vs. IVF. I don't believe these arguments will end, until either A) We have a child (through either method) or B) we eventually split up.
His fear is that he will not be able to love a child that is adopted. My fear is the debt that would come along with going through IVF treatments. We are in a gridlock between the two issues, and it has led to many angry words and tears, only to kiss, hug, and make up and start the discussion again.
I'm just feeling frustrated and like we are stuck in a rut. I am miserable because of the reoccurring realization that we will never naturally conceive, and I am resentful towards my own body. I am thin, I am healthy, I am relatively active and I am smart. I did excellent in school. Those words do little to calm me when I get too deep in thought. I cannot do the one thing that every man and woman takes for granted: a natural pregnancy, and bearing a child. I am not ALONE in the struggle, but a lot of the time, the rest of the world sure makes you feel like it!
Thanks for reading!