Just thought I'd share these thoughts. Thanks for reading.
Hello, folks. Just wanted to say that I am having one of my baby-depression days in preparation for our friends' baby shower on the weekend. I have been doing really well with everything, keeping my syndrome to myself and joking and carrying on with everyone. But today, after doing some shopping for baby boy stuff (since they already had their baby in August) and browsing all of the adorable selections and teeny tiny little booties, I can't help but sit here and feel sorry for myself over not being able to have children. I feel like there is some reason that I was born this way, that I was not meant to have them or something, and everything I try to do to change that is just not meant to be. I find this really heartbreaking, and even though it is probably not true, right at this moment it is really bothering me. I am really not looking forward to going to this baby shower and cooing over their newborn (cute as he is) because I know it is just going to make me more miserable and more hateful than I already am. I had a hard enough time before, playing with their little girl, who is a toddler, while watching the mother wander around pregnant and squealing over her belly moving and joking around with them about when we will have kids. Now is the time to face the reality of it all and remind myself of all the things I won't get to have or feel.
Just thought I'd share these thoughts. Thanks for reading.
Hello, readers. Just thought I would let you all know that my 2009 Toyota Yaris was written off by the insurance company because it would be cheaper to pay me what the car was worth to them ($9,600) than to pay to have it fixed ($11,600 including a $800 paint job). I spent my only day off last week at O'Regan's in Bridgewater, and the incredible staff that set me up with my first Yaris found me an identical model, same color, just two years newer, and it took us 5 hours of phone calls and paperwork and some incredible assistance by my grandparents in order to refinance and get my new car home in time to give my rental back.
In other news, I have had the busiest work week of my life! 54.5 work hours between last Sunday and today and I am totally wiped. I went to my physiotherapy appointment on Thursday, where I was informed I have Whiplash 2, and that my scoliosis is now so pronounced you can tell by looking at my shoulders and hips while I am standing straight that I have the curvature in my spine. I have to go for physiotherapy twice a week and massage therapy once a week for the next two months. I have a page of stretch exercises to do while I am home to keep my muscles moving and help them stretch out and relax more. But apparently whiplash is very common and much easier for someone with scoliosis to get as opposed to someone with a regular spine. So that's lovely news in itself.
Also, I made a new friend in a co-worker. She likes the same kind of music I do (which is everything from every genre), loves old records, is a huge fan of the 20's-60's styles, and is just way cool! And also, when I told her about my MRKH, she just asked one question and that was it! It was unbelievable. I don't think I've ever met anyone that found out about my MRKH and didn't want to play 20 Questions! She's just a pretty cool cat, haha. I also encountered a nurse the other night at outpatients who knew what my syndrome was, but that's not nearly as impressive as she is part of the medical community!
Anyways, I must go get some Voltaren rubbed on my shoulder, upper back and neck, and relax here for a bit before another early night tonight. Thanks for reading!
Hello, readers. Sorry it's been so long since I last posted. I have had a very rough week. On Wednesday, I was t-boned (hit side on) by a truck while dropping my coworker off at her house. I was alone in the vehicle and nobody was seriously injured. I am extremely sore, and it is only getting worse. I feel like I got hit by a bus today. It has been almost 48 hours since it happened. I was just in the wrong place at the wrong time. There were a lot of factors that were involved and I won't go into details, except that my car is repairable as far as I was told yesterday.
Now the news you guys wait for - an experience with yet another doctor that has never even heard of MRKH. She asked me to spell it out for her and tried to understand, and to her credit she didn't ask what was wrong with me or ask questions about my periods, she just asked if there was anything else in my body in connection with MRKH that they need to know about. I mentioned my kidneys and my scoliosis in my spine, and that was that. Then I went for X-Rays for my back and neck and they discovered I have "some sort of degenerative bone condition." Their words, not mine. I have to wonder, is this weird bone condition a part of my sy
It seems like I am going through another spell of baby depression lately. I have been online constantly researching pregnancy symptoms, baby and kid information, adoption information, and reading countless IVF and infertility blogs and articles. We were invited to a baby shower in early November, to his friends' who just recently had their second child. He may be in attendance, but I may or may not, depending on my work schedule. My so-called reason? I am not booking a day off from my new job barely a month in for a baby shower. My real reason? I will just cry and hate myself the entire time, and I just don't want to deal with those emotions in front of a bunch of strangers.
I am becoming more acutely aware of my scenario every day, it seems. I was driving in town just this evening and ended up seeing a lot of new moms outside of our local baby boutique, with their cute, colorful little strollers and babies all done up for the chilly fall weather. I also passed a lot of families walking in town with their kids in hand or up on their shoulders, checking out our local scarecrow festival. My entire trip into town seemed to be child-oriented. That, on top of a barrage of people from my new job asking about whether I have kids or am married and what not, plus the upcoming baby shower for his friends' newborn is just making a mess of me. His friends keep asking when we are going to have kids of our own, and while he laughs it off, I find it really hard to defend the question without starting a whole new, crazy and confused conversation with them about my MRKH. They think we have been together long enough that we should be considering children, and rant on and on about how I need to join the "mommy" club soon so we can have playdates. I just try to smile and joke around about waiting for finances to be right (not an exact lie, eh??) and play with their kids with the collection of toys I have sitting sadly upstairs, unused except for visitors like their little ones and my sisters.
I don't know guys, I just really needed to get all of that off my chest. It has been bothering me these last few weeks, especially with a new crowd of people that have no idea what I'm going through (and don't intend on telling any time soon - they are WAY too gossipy and judgmental there).
Any advice, guys? I could really use it! Thanks for reading!
21 year old girl with MRKH. I am a college student, supervisor at Tim Hortons, writer and volunteer on the side. I love my animals, reading, and spending time with people closest to me! I am trying to come to terms with my syndrome. I hope to find the perfect way to start a family of our own.