I've started myself a Hope Chest for a child. It isn't anything fancy, but just a few items I've had handed down to me for "someday". I've got my baby shoes that myself and my 2 siblings wore when we were babies, a handmade blanket & stuffed bunny that was made for me, and a few items I've collected over time myself. I've got a full collection of Robert Munsch books, including a copy of Murmel, Murmel, Murmel autographed by Mr Munsch himself. It will have pride of place on my child's wall, as the story is about Munsch's adopting his first son.
Withdrawing our application felt like we failed. It was the right decision, as we truly aren't in a place for us to be able to give proper care and attention to a child. But it feels like we have given up, like that option is walking out of our lives. I know we can always reopen our application and continue with our courses, or go through in-vitro fertilization if we ever had the funds and the time. I've always been the one who has done it all, gone above and beyond, given it my best shot, and put my entire being to everything I've ever done. It hurts because I feel like by withdrawing our application, I've failed to do the one thing I have always wanted. I've failed completely to do the #1 thing that everyone else seems completely capable of doing - conceiving. I am 100% supportive of this decision. I know this is what's best for us and for our future child(ren). It doesn't make it any easier, but I know it is best.
We are still open to a private adoption if someone were to come forward and present us the opportunity, but with the home study and everything that is involved with the government "public" adoptions, it is just too much to take on right now. Plus as a student I most likely would not be approved anyway, unless Chad was making lots of money by himself. It is very in-depth!
With Christmas around the corner, my Facebook is flooded with photos of everyone's beautiful babies and grandbabies and nieces and nephews with Santa or with their trees. It makes things hard for us, especially when so many Christmas traditions revolve around having little ones. We have decided this year to do things on our own and develop our own traditions. We will certainly still be visiting everyone (on the 26th probably) but our Christmas is going to be just that - our's.
I'm planning to gather a few more things for my hope chest over the next couple of years, and am looking forward to pursuing my Early Childhood Education diploma and advanced diploma in Behavioural Intervention. Chad is hopefully heading out west to make big bucks in the new year, and together we will be getting ourselves into the best place possible, so whenever a child does come into our lives, we will be ready with a permanent place to live and open arms from all sides.
We are very thankful for the support we've had and hope everyone will slowly get on board with us as our journey progresses, no matter which way the road leads us! And to the naysayers, we will do this WITH or WITHOUT you.
Thanks for reading! Happy Holidays, Merry Christmas, and Happy New Year!