I had a dream last night that really affected me. It all started when some friends of our's visited with their new baby, only 4 weeks old. I got to see and hold him, all 8 pounds 12 ounces! He is adorable and slept soundly the entire time, but I could hardly stand it. After about five minutes I had to give him back and go into the house. My baby depression has been really bad lately, so for me to be cuddling someone else's newborn revived the thoughts going through my head about the fact that we may never be able to have that feeling. I ended up crying for most of the evening, with my fiance trying to reassure me that we will find a way someday. But someday cannot come soon enough. Someday is not set in stone. It is not a final decision. And it is getting increasingly frustrating.
On to my dream last night. I dreamed that we had a new baby ourselves. He was tiny and beautiful and I did not want to let him go. I sat next to him in the car on the ride home, carried him everywhere with my around the house, and slept with him in our bed. I was grinning from ear to ear, midnight wake-ups and all. The "curses" of parenthood had not eluded me like those of womanhood that probably always will. I was able to breast feed thanks to hormone supplements meant to make my body think I myself had given birth. And it was a beautiful paradise until my alarm went off this morning and I came back to reality. That little boy has been on my mind ever since. And it has made me even more determined to be financially ready for a baby as soon as possible.
On to my dream last night. I dreamed that we had a new baby ourselves. He was tiny and beautiful and I did not want to let him go. I sat next to him in the car on the ride home, carried him everywhere with my around the house, and slept with him in our bed. I was grinning from ear to ear, midnight wake-ups and all. The "curses" of parenthood had not eluded me like those of womanhood that probably always will. I was able to breast feed thanks to hormone supplements meant to make my body think I myself had given birth. And it was a beautiful paradise until my alarm went off this morning and I came back to reality. That little boy has been on my mind ever since. And it has made me even more determined to be financially ready for a baby as soon as possible.